Lucifer's Technologies: Land of Enchantment

AT+T's (and Bell Labs') longtime figurehead:
"The Spirit of Communication,"
aka "The Genius of Electricity," 
aka The Light-Bringer

The Lucifer archetype has been associated with knowledge and technology since antiquity, in a positive light (the Prometheus myth) and a darker sense (Satan and the Tree of Knowledge in the myth of the Fall). Which side of this powerful archetype will triumph in the future?

The events at Roswell in July of 1947 did not happen in a vacuum. They occurred within one of the most extraordinary periods in human history, particularly from an esoteric point of view. They would spark a chain of events that would change the entire world.

So much of the technology we take for granted today emerged from American Telephone and Telegraph's Bell Telephone Laboratories, or Bell Labs for short. Starting in 1947 with the first solid state transistor, Bell Labs' army of top flight scientists and engineers shook the world with one game-changing technology after another. 

Whether or not you believe that technology came from somewhere else, one thing is clear; Bell Labs, the Roswell event and the links between them are drenched to the bone in occult symbolism, so much so that you can't help but wonder if both the skeptics and the believers haven't got the story all wrong. 


Long after the development of the transistor, Bell Labs was playing with alien (and occult) symbolism, specifically with an operating system that was designed to replace UNIX.
Plan 9 from Bell Labs is a research system developed at Bell Labs starting in the late 1980s. 
In Plan 9, each process has its own mutable name space. A process may rearrange, add to, and remove from its own name space without affecting the name spaces of unrelated processes. Included in the name space mutations is the ability to mount a connection to a file server speaking 9P, a simple file protocol.  
Was this an inside joke among nerdy programmers or was it some kind of signal as to the origin of some of Bell Labs' world-changing technology?

Before you answer that remember that Bell Labs would take a very strange semiotic term in the mid 90s, one which creates a spiderweb of connection leading all the way back to ancient stories of technologies falling from the heavens.


Soon after Plan 9 from Bell Labs was released, Bell Labs became Lucent Technologies. The conspiracy underground, already reeling from a series of shocks beginning with George Bush's New World Order speech on 9/11/91, went into conniptions. In a way, their fears weren't entirely unwarranted.

Bell Labs was playing with fire, literally- the new company name came from the same root as Lucifer*. 
Lucent wasn't shy about twisting the knife. Their logo seemed† to resemble an Ouroboros and they went to town with the (conspicuously Greco-Roman) Underworld references: 
Shortly after the Lucent renaming in 1996, the Plan 9 project released a development of their work as the Inferno OS in 1997. This extended the 'Lucifer' and Dante references as a series of punning names for the components of Inferno - Dis, Limbo, Charon and Styx.
I knew all about this- my wife worked at Bell Labs and was there for the changeover. Bell Labs and Lucent were a major part of our lives for several years. But like with so many of these symbolically-charged entities, it seemed built to be dismantled. 

As if part of some strange ritual or something. 

Let's wind the clock back and put all of this into historical context....

Following the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in August of 1945, the Japanese would surrender and World War II would be over. Much of Europe lay in ruins and tens of millions were dead. 

And in a small, obscure cave in Egypt, the Nag Hammadi Library would be found in December of 1945, allowing the ancient Gnostics to speak for themselves after nearly two millennia.

The US Army Signal Corps (inventors of the modern printed circuit board) would kick off the Space Age on January 10, 1946 with Project Diana, in which they bounced radar signals off the Moon from Fort Monmouth, NJ.

Perhaps knowing Diana was going down, Jack Parsons and L.Ron Hubbard began the Babalon Working in Pasadena, CA, which lasted from January to March of 1946. Some accounts would claim that Hubbard and Parsons encountered an alien in the Mojave Desert on January 18, the same day Marjorie Cameron appeared at the Parsonage. 

In the midst of the Working, the so-called Ghost Rockets began appearing over Scandinavia February 26, 1946. Thousands would be seen through that year. At least one would be reported as having crashed, significantly in the month of July.

Two days after the first Ghost Rocket was sighted, Parsons went alone to the Mojave, where he claimed he encountered the goddess Babalon whom he said dictated the Liber 49 to him. 

On July 1, 1946 the US began Operation Crossroads, the testing of powerful nuclear weapons. This would allegedly attract the attention of UFOs, who were reported to have deactivated nuclear weapons on many occasions in the US and Soviet Union.

In folk magic, crossroads were places you went to make deals with demons and other dark spirits. 

Starting in November another remarkable series of finds would begin, this time of the Dead Sea Scrolls, the sacred texts of the Jewish sect known as the Essenes. Their discovery would ultimately create an enormous controversy within the Church and without, with one prominent researcher eventually claiming that Christianity was a psychedelic mushroom cult.

In December, the Viet Nimh would declare war on the French occupation, beginning a long and costly conflict that would last for nearly 30 years and have grave consequences for the United States.

On January 8, 1947 David Robert Jones, better known to the world as David Bowie was born in England.

Also that month, Z Division moved its operation to Sandia base, later Sandia National Laboratories, the primary nuclear weapons lab in the nation. AT+T would run Sandia for the next five decades through its Western Electric subsidiary.

The Corporal Missile, using Jack Parson’s solid state fuel, was launched on May 22 at White Sands, NM. (At least one would be destroyed in the upper atmosphere by a UFO) 

As Peter Levenda points out, this is also the year Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play: “Twenty years ago today...” That would be June 1, 1947, for anyone keeping score at home, a month before the Roswell incident began and the month in which UFOs became a national obsession.

On June 21, Harold Dahl claimed to have seen six UFOs near Maury Island in Puget Sound, WA, which would earn him the first modern "Men in Black" encounter.  Not too far away, businessman Kenneth Arnold would have his famous UFO sighting on June 24th, a very powerful day in a number of ritual calendars.

Then came Roswell. UFOs would begin showing up on radar on July 1st, exactly a year after the start of Operation Crossroads. Curiously, New Mexico is the 47th state of the Union.

As UFO conspiracy researchers never fail to point out, the National Security Act was then signed by President Truman on Sept 18, 1947, ushering in the CIA and NSA. Shortly after, the US Navy begins Project CHATTER, a precursor program to MK Ultra.

In October Arthur Young left Bell Labs and embarked on a path that would lead him to the Council of Nine. 

In what may or may not be a coincidence, what reads like the first channeled dispatch from the Council of Nine hit the stands that same October in the form of "Son of the Sun," written by occultist Millen Cooke and published in Fantastic Adventures, edited by Ray Palmer.

Also that month the first use of the "computer" as we understand it today is used.

In December of 1947, Aleister Crowley died in England. His ashes would be buried in New Jersey. Surely he knew that the 47th problem of Euclid was of special significance to Freemasons. I wonder if he appreciated the irony. 


The Roswell events themselves are so laden with symbolism that one seriously has to wonder if what we saw was in fact some kind of ritual and not any kind of accident at all.

The crash was said to take place on the Plains of San Agustin, named after the Church father Augustine of Hippo, who wrote extensively on the nature of "demons of the air." 

Legendary UFOlogist John Keel would claim that the UFO phenomenon was in fact nothing but the latest manifestation of these demons, who date back to ancient Mesopotamia and are studied by so-called Assyriologists. Modern UFO demonologists are predominantly Evangelical Protestants, but I'm certain they've taken note of Augustine's writings. 

Augustine would quote the legendary author and magician Apuleius (author of The Golden Ass) quite extensively in The City of God when speaking of the nature of daimons, rendered now as demons. Apeulius gave his dissertation while on trial for sorcery, a practice that the Romans did not generally tolerate:

The same Apuleius, when speaking concerning the manners of demons, said that they are agitated with the same perturbations of mind as men; that they are provoked by injuries, propitiated by services and by gifts, rejoice in honors, are delighted with a variety of sacred rites, and are annoyed if any of them be neglected. 
Among other things, he also says that on them depend the divinations of augurs, soothsayers, and prophets, and the revelations of dreams, and that from them also are the miracles of the magicians.  
Which of course are indistinguishable from any sufficiently-advanced science.

The actual crash took place outside the town of Corona, or "Crown" (speaking of 'honors'). A corona is also named for a glow around the sun or moon or stars but is also the name of a specific star:
In classical mythology Corona Borealis generally represented the crown given by the god Dionysus to the Cretan princess Ariadne and set by him in the heavens.
Dionysus was not only one of the primary gods of the Mystery religions, he offers us many characteristics later attributed to Lucifer, in particular in that he granted secret knowledge, particular that of the sciences.

For instance, The Dionysian Artificers were a guild who operated throughout the Greco-Roman world, who were masters not only of astronomy and geometry but also of architecture (
Dionysus also traveled with daimons in his entourage).


As many have have noted the Roswell Army Air Base was the home of the only atomic bomb wing group in the world at the time. But the etymology of the name itself is highly significant. Wells have a long and lofty place in mythological tradition:
Piskies, Pixies, Elves, Faeries and Nymphs are common residents of sacred wells and waterways. Sometimes these Sprites and Faeries also became Christianized by the new religious order in Britain. St. Neot was said to be only 15 inches tall. He spent his days immersed in the well praying and performing miracles with birds and other animals. 

Faeries were also thought to reside at the Virtuous Well, also known as St. Anne’s Well located near Trellech Village in Wales. One story is that a local farmer dug up a “fairy ring” around the well to prove to others that he did not believe in “them silly tales.”- Holy Wells: Their Myths and Legends 
by Gary R Varner 
The well plays a central part in one of the most important religious traditions of our times- the Eleusinian Mysteries of Demeter (later Isis-Sothis-Demeter, linked to Sirius) and Persephone (Queen of Hell, Wife of Pluto):
Sacred Well is situated at the south to the Great Propylaia (left from the outside). In Classical Antiquity, this was thought to be the Kallikoron (Well of Beautiful Dances). This name comes from the legend that when Demeter, who lost her daughter and desperate, sat down at the well (or fountain), women of Eleusis danced to console her (Pausanias 1.38.6). But the well in question is now thought to be situated in the Telsterion.
Demeter was also worshipped at Samothrace, home of the Mysteries of the Great Gods. There's another figure, also linked to Samothrace, whose adventures bring us right back to Roswell in many powerful symbolic ways.

So, so many...


Indeed, here we will meet another of those great civilizing figures you see in mythology, such as Enki, Oannes, Osiris, Thoth and Prometheus: Greek, Roman and Phoenician mythologies, was a Phoenician prince, the son of king Agenor and queen Telephassa of Tyre and the brother of Phoenix, Cilix and Europa. 
Telephassa? Huh. Interesting.

Ovid refers to Cadmus as "the Sidonian strangerº," a reference to the Phoenician city. He left his home there following the famous abduction of Europa: 
After his sister Europa had been carried off by Zeus from the shores of Phoenicia, Cadmus was sent out by his father to find her, and enjoined not to return without her. 
Cadmus was then said to journey to Samothrace, where he and presumably his mother were initiated into the mysteries of the Great Gods.
Unsuccessful in his search, he came to Samothrace, the island sacred to the "Great Gods" and the Kabeiroi, whose mysteries would be celebrated also at Thebes. Cadmus did not journey alone to Samothrace; he appeared with his "far-shining" mother Telephassa.
The origin of Cadmus' name is not entirely certain- one interpretation is that comes from the Phoenician Greek* kekasmai, meaning "to shine."  

Which is the actual definition of Lucent. Not "light bearer" but shining.

In other words, it's not Lucifer Technologies, but in fact CADMUS Technologies.


What's more, Cadmus has a powerful connection to wells, in this case, the Well belonging to the god Mars. And strangely enough, the myth of Cadmus and the Martian Well has strong undertones of genetic engineering (men arising from the "teeth" of Mars' dragon) and those pesky Reptilians bubbling just beneath the surface:
"While seeking water he [Kadmos] came to the fountain of Castalia, which a Draco, the offspring of Mars [Ares], was guarding. It killed the comrades of Cadmus, but was killed by Cadmus with a stone. Under Minerva’s instructions he sowed the teeth and plowed them under. From them sprang the Spartoe. These fought among themselves, but from them five survived, namely, Chthonius, Udaeus, Hyperenor, Pelorus, and Echion. 
In modern fringe UFOlogy, Reptilians are said to originate in the Draco system. Which is convenient, I guess.

The Well of Mars is interesting for another reason, one I should mention. That being that Mars is the Red Planet, of course. So it's also the Well of the Red Planet or even, if you like, the Red Well.

 And know what else is red? I'll give you a hint, violets are blue.

Cadmus would marry Harmonia, an event that the gods themselves would attend and the Muses provided the entertainment for. Cadmus would then initiate mortals into the Mysteries, presumably the Mysteries of the Great Gods. But you know how these stories end- on a down note.

Cadmus, the civilizer, the shining one, the great initiator, would become- you guessed it- a Reptilian:
Cadmus was deeply troubled by the ill-fortune which clung to him as a result of his having killed the sacred dragon, and one day he remarked that if the gods were so enamoured of the life of a serpent, he might as well wish that life for himself. Immediately he began to grow scales and change in form. Harmonia, seeing the transformation, thereupon begged the gods to share her husband's fate, which they granted (Hyginus).


Well, if all this talk of Mars and reptilians and pyramids hasn't scared you off by now, maybe we should learn a bit more about these Great Gods, the ultimate source of Cadmus's secret knowledge. They were said to be great craftsmen, and were the sons of Hephaestus, aka Vulcan:
The Cabiri, whose native land was Lemnos and whose principal sanctuary was in Samothrace are said to have had Hephaestus for a father, or at least for a divine ancestor (Strabo, Geo 10.3.21). Marine powers, they are explicitly identified as crabs by Hesychius: "The Cabiri are crabs (karkinoi), animals particularly honored in Lemnos, where they are held to be gods. It is also said that they are the sons of Hephaestus."  Like Hephaestus, whose descendants they are, the Cabiri are metallurgists.
But there's a more salient point to be made about these Great Gods- it's how exactly they came to Earth:
"The Great Gods came to Earth in a flaming star, which shattered the rocks when it crashed into the island of Samothrace, there the Great Gods made their home. They are lords of the terrifying tempest."
"Crashed to earth"- why does that sound so familiar?

But the father of the Great Gods also takes us back to the Lucifer mythos because Prometheus took the sacred flame he gave to humanity from the god of craftsmen:
Certainly, Hephaestus is master of fire, but not just any fire. He is essentially the technical fire, the fire that is used to accomplish the tasks of artisans, not the heart fire, which is the domain of Hestia, nor the celestial fire, the lightning of Zeus. 

Moreover, Hephaestus works only noble metals: gold, silver, bronze, brass, etc....for Hephaestus, metallurgy proves to be inseparable from magic.

Hephaestus is not only the source of the sacred fire (representing the knowledge of the gods) and of high magic expressed through the working of metal (which is to say technology), like the Great Gods he was also cast down from heaven:
According to Homer, at the moment of Hephaestus's birth, Hera threw him from the sky into the sea, because he was crippled and she was ashamed of him... 
Given all this symbolism and ancient parallels, it becomes harder and harder to see Roswell as Reticulans crashing the interstellar station wagon. It starts to look like something else, something entirely ritualistic and arcane. Perhaps where all this technology takes us will tell us whether this is Luciferian in the Satanic sense or Luciferian in the Promethean sense.

Hephaestus' Roman counterpart was Vulcan, a connection which should speak for itself. His counterpart in Egypt was Ptah, well-known to Secret Sun readers as the model for the Oscar statue. Ptah was also known as the "Disk of Heaven" and built the heavenly boats that took the pharaohs to their eternal abode in the stars.


A few years back I looked at the Barney and Betty Hill abduction and noted the parallels between it and Aleister Crowley's time in the New Hampshire town of Hebron. The Hills claimed to have awoken from their hypnosis while driving parallel to Hebron on Route 3 (now Interstate 93). That got me to thinking about Roswell again and the issue of coordinates, a bit of an obsession of mine.

Alignment is a powerful tool in esotericism. Researchers have noted the alignments of the Giza Plateau, Teotihuacan, America's Stonehenge, the Millennium Hotel, Washington, DC, and other important sites.

The late David Flynn looked at the alignments encoded into Roswell from a Christian apocalyptic perspective, connecting it to his beliefs about the year 2012, and others have picked up from his work.

I had some issues with some of his findings so I decided to look into the coordinates myself. Not only Roswell but other major landmarks in UFOlogy.

The exact latitude for the Roswell Crash Site on the Plains of San Agustin is 33.968418, which rounds off to 34 degrees, zero minutes North (34º0'N).

That is also the exact latitude of Baalbek,
the massive megalithic site that is a favorite of ancient astronaut theorists. Again, we see the mysterious Phoenicians appear in a context that makes no exoteric sense.

34º0' is also the latitude of the Socorro, NM UFO event, the sighting that got a huge amount of attention in 1964. 

Theorists like Flynn credit Baalbek to the work of the Watchers, who fell to earth at Mount Hermon, which stands at 33°24′58″N. If you follow that line almost halfway across the planet you'll find yourself standing smack dab in downtown Roswell, NM. 

The famous Aztec, NM crash was on 36°49′ N. If you travel east you'll eventually find yourself on the southern border of Harran, the mysterious ancient city where the ancient UFO cult known as the Mandaeans was born. Legend has it that the Babylonian king Nimrod, the famous architect of the Tower of Babel, originally established this mysterious citadel.

The famous Kecksburg, PA crash took place at 40°11′N. That line would take you off the coast of Lemnos, where Hephaestus was taken when he was thrown into the ocean from Olympus, so that's a good a splashdown point as any.

Finally, Area 51 is allegedly at 37°15'N. Following that line east will take you to the heart of Sicily, ultimate birthplace of the ancient Eleusinian mysteries. Why is that?

Because Sicily is where Persephone was abducted by Pluto, the King of the Underworld, a story that made a tremendous impression on would-be Area 51 producer Chris Carter. Sicily was the primary cult center for Persephone in the ancient world.
Note also that Pluto was identified with craftsmen, and possessed a helmet that resembled the kind of cloaking technology they're working on at Area 51.

The Hermeticist Ficino said Pluto was a Demiurge, 
"a daemonic 'many-headed' sophist, a magus, an enchanter, a fashioner of images and reflections, a shape-changer of himself and of others." And of course Lucifer later took on many of his attributes in Christian folk mythology.

Remembering the many parallels between the Eleusinian Mysteries and the Mysteries of Isis, we should note that 51 is 3x17, the date of Osiris' death and the Lamentations of Isis and Nephthys. Osiris would be revived by Isis and take his place as Lord of the Underworld.

I don't know about you but that's one or three too many coincidences for me to swallow. 


Note: I'm running these posts out of order. I'll run the post originally meant to run before this later.

º And as David Flynn and others have pointed out Sidonian, or Phoenician, is homophonic with Cydonian, referring to the notorious Martian plain where some have argued evidence of artificial construction can be found. The Cydonians themselves can trace their lineage back to Samothrace and worship of the Cabiri.

* Scholars are also at odds over the meaning of the Cadmus myth itself, with some arguing it represents the influx of Phoenicians and Phoenician learning into Greece, bringing along gods like Heracles, Dionysus, Astarte and Adonis. 

†Apeulius actually uses  the term "secret rites"  

Lucifer's Technologies: Fallen from the Sky

Technology rules our lives, so much so that some Futurists predict that humanity will be replaced by robots and artificial intelligences. How did we get here? How did we go from a world where technology remained essentially static for thousands of years to a world in which we've become slaves to our own machines? 
The Lucifer archetype has been associated with knowledge and technology since antiquity, in a positive light (the Prometheus myth) and a darker sense (Satan and the Tree of Knowledge in the myth of the Fall). Which side of this powerful archetype will triumph in the future?  
So, how exactly did this postwar technology boom come about? Nothing like it had ever been seen in human history and we're still sorting through the breakthroughs made in that era.

To be sure, there were a lot of very great (and very well-educated) scientists working for a lot of very big (and very well-appointed) laboratories and companies. But that had been true for some time. It's even more true today and yet the innovation machine seems to be sputtering to a slow march these days. Even Moore's Law is being called into question now.


So many of the breakthroughs that have been made through all fields of science and technology have come about through the computer revolution, a revolution that would have been impossible without a single piece of technology- the simple transistor.

We take it for granted today but before solid state technology everything- radio, TV, computers- needed to be powered by hot, heavy vacuum tubes. It's why the first calculator was the size of a house and today you can get a much better one built into a pen.

The laser has also played an outsized role in the technological revolution of the 20th Century. And oddly enough, both breakthroughs would share links with the year 1947 and with the legendary Bell Laboratories.

Younger people have no concept of how radical and extreme the changes have been in our technology. Older people, particularly those who were adults during World War Two, certainly noticed how things seemed to change almost overnight.

But even so, it took a long time for the ideas that were being explored in the 50s and 60s in places like Bell Labs and Xerox's PARC to come to market. Any engineer will tell you there's a chasm between concept and application.

When I was very young we had a vacuum-tube, black and white TV set that only got VHF stations. We had one rotary telephone. We had a couple AM radios and we also had phonograph player that was more a piece of furniture than a piece of electronic equipment. Later, we had Pong. Braintree didn't get cable TV until 1984.

The graphs you see in this piece indicate what investigators or intelligence agents would call a "pattern break," an indication that something fundamental had changed, something that the target was trying to conceal. And time and again we see a steady rate of technological change suddenly shoot skyward after 1947.


In 1997, at the height of the popularity of The X-Files, a retired military intelligence officer released a book that caused a firestorm of controversy. The book was called The Day After Roswell and seemed to confirm many long-held suspicions of the UFO conspiracy community, suspicions that seemed to reaching a boiling point as the book hit the stores:
Colonel Philip J Corso explains how he gained access to the Roswell files whilst working at the Foreign Technology Desk, R+D at the Pentagon.  Corso explains how the extraterrestrial technology was retrieved and reverse engineered by corporations who were granted the patents for such technology.  Corso also explains how an organization was set up within the government which would seal the lid on the extraterrestrial presence and make it inaccessible to future presidental administrations...
The book became an instant best-seller but many prominent researchers in the UFO field expressed skepticism about both it and about Corso himself, including Kevin Randle, Stanton Friedman, Budd Hopkins and Brad Sparks

The timing seemed suspicious to some. Here was a Lt. Colonel from the Foreign Technology Office telling UFOlogists everything they wanted to hear exactly when they wanted to hear it. And critics noted the book was rife with basic errors of fact.

Many of errors were curious- some had nothing directly to do with Corso's Roswell claims and were the kind of mistakes that could have very easily been corrected by his co-author Bill Birnes when the book was in the editing process.

A further controversy erupted when Senator Strom Thurmond -under whom Corso worked as an aide after he left the service- demanded his (rather glowing) foreword be removed from the book, claiming he wasn't aware of the book's subject matter (though a memo reprinted in UFO Magazine later showed that the foreword was for a "Roswell" book).

So what do we have here? A hoax? A delusional old man cashing in on the UFO craze of the time? A deliberate disinfo campaign meant to splash water on Roswell fever (which in many ways the backlash to the book did)? 

Michael Salla- whose resume is strangely more fitting to a Undersecretary of State than a UFO researcher- dug into the controversy over Corso's book and found than many of the claims made against his reputation and his credibility were either false or trivial. And Thurmond's introduction made it clear that Corso had been a highly partisan Cold Warrior in the 50s and 60s, which Salla claims had made him a lot of enemies.

Roswell's official city seal

Could this then have been what is called in intelligence parlance "cooked information," a sandwich of truth and deception? Or could it have a been a kind of inoculation, a way to seed shards of information to the public but do so through an individual who might easily be dismissed by most, given his fuzzy memory and outrageous claims?

Those claims were essentially as follows:

Together with his commanding officer, Lieutenant General Arthur G. Trudeau, Corso said he developed a plan to "seed" the technologically advanced artifacts to defense contractors who were already working on similar projects. But this had to be done, for the most part, without telling the scientists involved where the artifacts had come from.

According to Corso, he eventually did figure out where to take much of the debris for reverse engineering. Companies like Bell Labs, IBM, Dow Corning and Hughes Aircraft subsequently managed to create new technological breakthroughs that gave the U.S. a decided edge in a projected military response to the aliens.
Among the products that Corso says resulted from the Roswell debris were: 
Image intensifiers, which ultimately became "night vision,"  Fiber optics, Supertenacity fibers,  Lasers, Molecular alignment metallic alloys, Integrated circuits and microminiaturization of logic boards, HARP (High Altitude Research Project), Project Horizon (a military base on the Moon to compete with both the Russians and the aliens.), Portable atomic generators (ion propulsion drive), Irradiated food, "Third Brain" guidance systems (based on the headbands reportedly used by the aliens), Particle beams ("Star Wars" antimissle energy weapons), Electromagnetic propulsion systems, Depleted uranium projectiles
That's quite a list- interesting to see the EM drive on there, which you're suddenly hearing quite a lot about these days. But it doesn't end there:
Corso maintains that the implementation of the "Star Wars" project led to the end of the Cold War. And, while neither Reagan or Chairman Mikail Gorbachev said so publicly, the U.S. and Russia now present a united front against the common alien enemy. The paranoia that had existed between the two countries since the end of World War II had now given way to a determination to fight together for the sake of mankind as a whole.
In his original manuscript Corso claimed the aliens were not smiling space brothers: 
"They have violated our air space with impunity and even landed on our territory. Whether intentional or not, they have performed hostile acts. Our citizens have been abducted and killed" (Dawn of a New Age, p. 77).

"The above are acts of war which we would not tolerate from any worldly source. It also appears they do not tolerate any such acts on our parts on their bases." (Dawn of a New Age, p. 77)
... the aliens have shown a callous indifference concerning their victims. Their behavior has been insidious and it appears they might be using our earth and manipulating earth life.  (Dawn of a New Age, p. 98)

Former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer claims that The Day After Roswell had a revelatory effect on him, particularly after he called a friend who had been a General in the US Military. Hellyer claims the General told him:
 "Every word of it is true, and more." We then spoke 20 minutes or so discussing the "and more" to the extent he could without revealing classified material. What he said was just as fascinating and compelling as the book. UFOs are real as the airplane flying overhead. That is my unequivocal conclusion..."
Critics countered that many of the technologies Corso cites were already in development, which Corso already had acknowledged to a degree. However, if you look carefully at those claims you'll find that most of what was being worked on was either theoretical science or crude prototype projects that actually bore little resemblance to the technologies as they finally emerged.

But the fact that some of these technologies were being conceived- if only theoretically- seems to fit a very old pattern, one we'll explore in depth in future posts. After all, you don't give a toddler the keys to your Lamborghini, do you now?

And almost without exception, all the big breakthroughs with actual working patents came in the period Corso cites (the 1950s and 1960s) and through the companies he claims were seeded with materials to experiment on. 

So if Corso were making it all up he certainly did his homework. Back when his original manuscript was written that would entail a lot of research, probably a lot of trips to the library. Corso never gave the impression that he was up to all that. Note that Corso did admit that he came into FT late, almost 15 years after Roswell.

Fiber optics is an interesting case- the science was worked on in Japan and Germany (both firmly under the US's thumb then) and England in the 1960s (many of the scientists seemed to get awards for their work in the 1970s, strangely) but was still classified when used by NASA in 1969. It was refined by Corning Glass in 1970 and apparently made ready for commercial use in 1986 by who else? 

Bell Labs. 
Huh. Go figure.

One of Corso's most controversial claims is that the transistor- the basic building block of the entire technological revolution- came from Roswell. Critics responded that it had been in development long before.

But the truth is that the paper trail on the transistor is shockingly thin. Here's what the Wiki has:

 The thermionic triode, a vacuum tube invented in 1907, enabled amplified radio technology and long-distance telephony. The triode, however, was a fragile device that consumed a lot of power.
OK; this is a fucking vacuum tube. Why is included in the history of the transistor? Maybe this is why:
Physicist Julius Edgar Lilienfeld filed a patent for a field-effect transistor (FET) in Canada in 1925, which was intended to be a solid-state replacement for the triode. Lilienfeld also filed identical patents in the United States in 1926 and 1928.
Well, that seems pretty weak. I mean, there's got to be more evidence than a couple lousy patent forms, right? There's got to be some kind of paper trail that can be conclusively dated, establishing the timeline of the development of this world-changing technology.
However, Lilienfeld did not publish any research articles about his devices nor did his patents cite any specific examples of a working prototype.
Oh. So in other words, all the stuff that couldn't be faked doesn't exist. Even a bio of the scientist claims the history of these devices is "sketchy." The Wiki, again:
Because the production of high-quality semiconductor materials was still decades away, Lilienfeld's solid-state amplifier ideas would not have found practical use in the 1920s and 1930s, even if such a device had been built. In 1934, German inventor Oskar Heil patented a similar device. 
We'll learn more about the problem of semiconductor materials in the next post. It's no small problem.*

Be that as it may, it stands to reason that in between 1934 and 1947 there's gotta be a MASSIVE paper trail, right? I mean, this is the TRANSISTOR, people, the Holy Grail of modern electronics. What's the next step in the official history here?
From November 17, 1947 to December 23, 1947, John Bardeen and Walter Brattain at AT+T's Bell Labs in the United States performed experiments and observed that when two gold point contacts were applied to a crystal of germanium, a signal was produced with the output power greater than the input. Solid State Physics Group leader William Shockley saw the potential in this, and over the next few months worked to greatly expand the knowledge of semiconductors.
Oh. Guess not. But Lilienfeld's work served one important purpose:
When Brattain, Bardeen, and their colleague chemist Robert Gibney tried to get patents on their earliest devices, most of their claims were rejected due to the Lilienfeld patents.
Translation: A paper trail documenting the development of the Bell Labs transistor needn't be produced because of these alleged patents.

What else is curious about Lilienfeld is how he seems to fall off the radar in 1935 or so. He's said to have moved to the Virgin Islands (where he was said to have moved to get away from wheat allergies he was suffering in...the metropolitan Boston area) but there doesn't seem to be much of a track record on him from that point forward. A very mysterious story for such an apparently important scientist.†


Whatever it was exactly, something happened after Roswell- the data, the paper-trail, the radical changes in technology bear that out. Whether or not it had something to do with Roswell is another story entirely but the event did seem to act as a harbinger of major changes to come. 

But that's the UFO paradox; at the same time UFOlogy is a minefield of hoaxery and humbug, UFO events so often act as powerful augurs of change.

Of course, the major problem with the Roswell narrative- and other UFO crash stories- is that we're led to believe that such an advanced technology could be defeated by primitive radar systems or electrical storms. But then again our own advanced aircraft often crash in storms or in strong winds or even when birds fly into the engines. Nature is an infinitely powerful force- don't believe otherwise.

However, I have a feeling that something else was afoot and that the alleged 'crash' may in fact have been a cover story for something far stranger- and far more complex.  Something that may in fact happened some time before Roswell. 

A lot of people will cite the influx of German scientists into the US through Operation Paperclip for the radical changes in technology. But the rocket scientist Hermann Oberth has been quoted as saying in 1972, “We cannot take the credit for our record advancement in certain scientific fields alone; we have been helped.”


The levels of deceptionº over Roswell are deep. So much so that I have trouble believing any of the interpretations of the story, whether from skeptics or believers. I think something did crash, but I suspect that it was neither an alien spaceship or a weather balloon but something actually created to crash. I'll explain why in an upcoming post.

What's more the fact that a General was actually flashing a memo to reporters that contradicted the story he was telling at the press conference (and a memo I'm quite certain he was disappointed no one deciphered until fairly recently) says to me that a very complex intelligence strategy was unfolding over this event.

Corso died a year after The Day After Roswell was released (in Jupiter, Florida, of all places) and the buzz and the controversy over the book soon died down. Or at least seemed to. In UFO circles the fire was still burning because another insider came forward and told a very similar story to the one Corso had.

But his story went into depths of detail Corso barely scratched at.


* It's at the heart of the matter. After all, there's a chasm between an idea and an application. Men were contemplating traveling into space a long time ago. It took a long time to do it.

† What else I find curious- if not actually suspicious- are these narratives from Bell Labs about the development of the transistor I've seen in some books on the subject. This was a very sensitive project with major implications for the company. Knowing what I know about my grandfather's work at MITRE I am willing to bet that any discussion of the project would be kept within the actual working group, especially during that paranoid "Reds under every bed" postwar period.

º And outright nonsense- see the "Roswell Slides" psyop.

Lucifer's Technologies: The Deal with the Devil Comes Due

Lucifer appears in another great literary work, also written in the 17th Century; Christopher Marlowe's Tragical History of Doctor Faustus. This treatment of the Faust myth predates Goethe's more famous version and tells the story somewhat differently. But the basic contours of the story remain the same, that of a brilliant man who sells his immortal soul to the Devil in order to gain forbidden knowledge, a pact he believes will grant him advantage in this life.

The Faust myth resonates in the Information Age, as we surrender more and more of our sovereignty- and our humanity, in fact- to technology and science. You hear more and more now about the Faustian bargain we've made with technology, as the honeymoon ends and the disruption and destruction that technology causes to industry, to community, to identity itself continues to mount.  

With the rise of robotics and Artificial Intelligence (not to mention the surveillance state and drone warfare), prominent figures like Stephen Hawkins and Elon Musk are sounding the alarm, warning that humanity's very survival is at risk.

But it's too late to turn back now; the Pact has been signed.

At the same we've seen the rise of Scientism, a new religion that claims that science is the answer to every question and that all of humanity's other pursuits and beliefs should be subordinated to it, because science is the only method we have to determine what is true or real. 

That art, religion, philosophy and indeed every activity in which humans interact and communicate should be placed under science's thumb, which in the real world would mean setting up Soviet-like committees to inquire into every human activity that had not been legally prohibited.

Scientism is perhaps the most Satanic philosophy the world has ever seen, for reasons that will soon be made clear. 
We can start here, with this story from Reason:
Science Is a Good Substitute for God 
Believers in sci-tech progress tend to be happier than the religiously faithful, says new study 
Religious believers tend to be happier than non-religious folk, according to a long line of psychological research. Scientists have suggested several possible explanations for this phenomenon, including the ideas that religion offers a greater sense of control, provides a purpose for life, and reduces uncertainty.
The researchers concluded that "both belief in scientific–technological progress and religiosity were positively associated with life satisfaction, yet the association with belief in scientific–technological progress was significantly larger." In fact, life satisfaction was three times more likely to correlate with a belief in sci-tech progress than belief in religious doctrine.
Well, it must be true, right? Science says so. I mean these people ran a scientific psychological survey that was in no way biased or weighted towards a predetermined conclusion, right? That's not how science works, right? Not so fast. Read this:
Last summer, the Open Science Collaboration announced that it had tried to replicate one hundred published psychology experiments sampled from three of the most prestigious journals in the field.

Scientific claims rest on the idea that experiments repeated under nearly identical conditions ought to yield approximately the same results, but until very recently, very few had bothered to check in a systematic way whether this was actually the case. The OSC was the biggest attempt yet to check a field’s results, and the most shocking. In many cases, they had used original experimental materials, and sometimes even performed the experiments under the guidance of the original researchers.
Of the studies that had originally reported positive results, an astonishing 65 percent failed to show statistical significance on replication, and many of the remainder showed greatly reduced effect sizes.
OK, so psychological science is rife with fraud. That can't be true of the harder sciences, right? Wait, what's this in the The Boston Globe?
In science, irreproducible research is a quiet crisis 
 Evidence of a quiet crisis in science is mounting. A growing chorus of researchers worry that far too many findings in the top research journals can’t be replicated. 
“There’s a whole groundswell of awareness that a lot of biomedical research is not as strongly predictive as you think it would be,”said Dr. Kevin Staley, an epilepsy researcher at Massachusetts GeneralHospital. “People eventually become aware because there’s a wake of silence after a false positive result,” he added. The same is true in every field of science, from neuroscience to stem cells.
Yes, science is in a state of crisis, one that has become so egregious that the mainstream media has been forced to pay attention to it. The Baltimore Sun:
Increased competition for funding has led science to drift from an emphasis on rigorous reproducible research to flashy high impact studies, which in some cases have been subsequently found to be erroneous or exaggerated. This has led to a perceived reproducibility crisis, in which the credibility of scientific findings is increasingly questioned. 
In combination these trends could lead to a loss of public confidence in science, creating a vicious cycle that could undermine the entire enterprise. If this happens, society will lose its most powerful tool to navigate the crises that lie ahead.

"Flashy high impact studies, which in some cases have been subsequently found to be erroneous or exaggerated."
If you read the science news carefully that's pretty much all you see these days. I looked at this phenomenon a while back, the outrageous headline tailored for social media which is always accompanied by the Big Walk-Back buried at the bottom, preferably below a bunch of pop-up ads. 

They rely on the short attention spans of the reader, most of whom simply catch the flashy headline on their iPhones and go about their daily business secure in the knowledge that the Machine is humming along nicely, that the Great Arc moves ever upward, that the hard times will be over soon.

It's all a lie.

More and more serious thinkers are sounding the alarm that the Age of Miracles is over, that all the low-hanging fruit has been plucked, that Easy Street is coming to a dead end. Some call what we're looking at "The Great Stagnation", and Scientism and technohype are in fact desperate tactics to divert attention to that brick wall looming in the immediate distance.

"Flashy high impact studies, which in some cases have been subsequently found to be erroneous or exaggerated." 

And it's getting worse. The high is getting more naked, more desperate. It's actually worrying. Here's some of the recent miracle stories you may have seen in your Facebook feed:
Ready, set, think! Mind-controlled drones race to the future!

Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait...

Here’s how the technology delivers an abstract thought through the digital realm and into the real world: Each EEG headset is calibrated to identify the electrical activity associated with particular thoughts in each wearer’s brain — recording, for example, where neurons fire when the wearer imagines pushing a chair across the floor. Programmers write code to translate these “imaginary motion” signals into commands that computers send to the drones.
Programmers write code to translate these signals...WTF? OK, I get it. This is bullshit

This is not the direct-to-drone Vulcan mind meld the headline promises at all. This is just more EEG brainwave stuff, the kind of thing we've been seeing since at least the early 90s, and probably before. It's the compsci version of the old baking soda and vinegar volcano.
But wait, what's this miracle?
Auto Focus Contact Lenses May Soon Become a Reality!  
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait... 
Jiang, however, admits that getting a working prototype of the auto-focus lens is still five to ten years away. He says, "It is a very challenging project. You need to get tunable lenses, a power supply to drive the lens and the electronics, and everything need to be flexible."

Five to ten years is Scientish for "half past never."
How do I know this? Because I'm still waiting on about thousand technomiracles that were promised back in the 80s. Plus there's this: 

Why Scientific American's Predictions from 10 Years Ago Were So Wrong
Recently, we did an experiment: We took an outdated issue of a respected popular science magazine, Scientific American, and researched exactly what happened to the highly-touted breakthroughs of the era that would supposedly change everything. What we discovered is just how terrible we are at predicting the long arc of scientific discovery.
Well, that was ten years ago. Someone or Somebody's Law or Ever-Increasing Wonderfulness has surely fixed all that. Let's see:
New Technology May Beat the 'Memory Bottleneck' with Plain Old Silicon!
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait... 
Don't go and dump your SSD quite yet. Even just confirming all of this will take years. Still, it seems clear enough that the memory problem has a solution—if not this, than one of any number of alternative avenues being pursued for nanoscale non-volatile mea...bla bla bla bla bla...
Oh my God, have you ever read such equivocal bullshit in your life? I have. Because I've been following these guys for 30 years or so...
DARPA is investigating self-mutating vaccines to take down viruses! 
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait... 
We’re years away from this being a feasible solution in humans but early results are encouraging, with engineered TIPs reducing viral loads in cultured cells around 20-fold. The next step will be animal models, and it’s entirely possible the whole idea will fall down there, long before it even enters a first-in-man study.
"Years away." 

"Entirely possibly the whole idea will fall down."

OK, so what's the point? The point is keeping this late-Soviet-model science-worship machine on the road, even though it's obviously popping gaskets and leaking fluids. Well, at least that's equivocal bullshit. How about flaming bags of dogshit?

Well, there's a one-stop shop for that: the Transhumanism superstore:

Forever Exists! Secrets to Immortality Uncovered!  
Wow, that's amazing! Tell me more!
Transhumanist scientists are deeply working on to “knock outthose genes” which are leading to age-related problems. Well, this is less complicated than adding a new piece of DNA. However, deciding which gene to be knocked out is still a riddle for scientists, according to HEALTHAIM.
"Deciding which gene to be knocked out is still a riddle for scientists." Translation: the secrets to immortality have NOT been uncovered. Don't worry, though, because....
Humans Will Be Immortal Cyborgs By The Year 2050, Expert Predicts!  
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait... 

Dr Pearson says that by 2050, people will be able to connect their brains directly to computers and, ‘could move their mind into an improved android body.‘This would allow people to have multiple existences and identities, or to carry on living long after their biological death.’ 
‘What’s exciting is that it is no longer nature which is forcing changes on us but our own breakthroughs.’
But wait, none of this technology is anywhere close to existing. I mean, nowhere. This is pure Singularist snake oil. The myth that human progress is on this straight curve upward from the caves to the stars comes from these people:
Evolution May Have Sped Up After Humans Cut Up Their Foods!  
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait... 

Researchers have determined that the development of stone tools used to cut up raw meat meant humans spent less time chewing and more time doing, not to mention thinking.
Determined based on what? Personal experience? How is this science? Sounds more like a bunch of bros turning a bonghit session into a press release.

Here's this chestnut, variations of which keep popping up regularly:

Scientists Zapped Mouse Brains with Lasers to Bring Back Lost Memories! 
Wow, that's amazing. Oh, but wait... 
It’s a fascinating result, but brain-zapping lasers probably won’t be used to treat memory loss anytime soon. As scientists begin to identify specific neurons that code memories, Roy said, others can work on developing ways to target them, including with drugs. “I think people would be very excited to get similar results,” he said, “without viruses and lasers.”
Read the story- the actual experiment is almost orthodox Pavlov. I guess it was funding renewal time. Speaking of which:
Scientists claim they can create babies without men by injecting eggs with artificial sperm!
Wow, that's amazing! Oh, but wait...  
"It's important to note that the sperm-like cells produced in the study were not fully mature sperm as we might know them. " 
"In spite of these encouraging results, we are still some way from immediately applying this technique as a potential cure for human male infertility," he continued.
This is one of those stories that isn't even news. A similar story showed up on National Geographic News 12 years ago:
The End of Males? Mouse Made to Reproduce Without Sperm 
Dads, in the mammalian branch of the animal kingdom, are often out of the loop when it comes to producing progeny. After that initial contribution of sperm, they are excluded from pregnancy and are all but superfluous even after birth, when nurturing falls to Mom. Now Japanese scientists have streamlined reproduction even further—they have eliminated fathers entirely.
The experiments in question here deal with so-called Parthenogenesis. But given the conspicuous lack of apparent repeatability with this science, you have to seriously wonder if this is science or something else entirely. 

Why? Because one of the most prestigious science journals in the world made this grave statement in an editorial:
“The case against science is straightforward: much of the scientific literature, perhaps half, may simply be untrue. Afflicted by studies with small sample sizes, tiny effects, invalid exploratory analyses, and flagrant conflicts of interest, together with an obsession for pursuing fashionable trends of dubious importance, science has taken a turn towards darkness.” - Dr. Richard Horton, editor-in-chief, The Lancet
So, my question to the I Fucking Love Science crowd would be this: Do you still want a Priests of the Temples of Syrinx world where scientists dictate what is and is not true? 

The fact is that Scientism is a classic circling-of-the-wagons maneuver, a symptom that science is in fact in crisis, that the Age of Wonder may be over. This is where the same prediction from 1900 or so is thrown up in protest, but that was an entirely different world, one without multibillion science laboratories in every major country in the world working 24/7/365.

One science journalist wrote 20 years ago of the End of Science, and recently took stock of his predictions and found they held up quite nicely:
Our descendants will learn much more about nature, and they will invent gadgets even cooler than smart phones. But their scientific version of reality will resemble ours, for two reasons: First, ours… is in many respects true; most new knowledge will merely extend and fill in our current maps of reality rather than forcing radical revisions. 
Second, some major remaining mysteries—Where did the universe come from? How did life begin? How, exactly, does a chunk of meat make a mind?--might be unsolvable. 
So far my prediction that there would be no great "revelations or revolutions"—no insights into nature as cataclysmic as heliocentrism, evolution, quantum mechanics, relativity, the big bang--has held up just fine. 
And here he makes the same diagnosis of the state of the scientific world that many other principled insiders are making:
In some ways, science is in even worse shape today than I would have guessed back in the 1990s. In The End of Science, I predicted that scientists, as they struggle to overcome their limitations, would become increasingly desperate and prone to hyperbole. This trend has become more severe and widespread than I anticipated.  
Oh, has it indeed.

Well, what about AI and algorithms? We're hearing so much about them these days, and how they're the new game-changer. What's the reality on the ground?
Complex algorithms are usually quite difficult to develop and often take longer than experience with other software projects would indicate. Although there are exceptions, complex algorithm projects usually take between four (4) months and several years. True research projects in which new mathematical or logical methods are developed are extremely unpredictable and typically take years.
What about Silicon Valley? Won't it save the world? They certainly act like it. Wait- what's this?
The number of start-up firms in the United States has been declining in recent decades. Prior to 2000, the employment effects of this decline were partly offset by the presence of a small number of high-growth young companies. That pattern seems to have changed.
While social media continues to churn out endless technohype, literally promising the Sun, Moon and Stars, serious people look at the situation on the ground with a more sober eye. The implications are grave: 
Ben Bernanke sees the great slowdown in technological progress 
Indeed, some knowledgeable observers have recently made the case that the IT revolution, as important as it surely is, likely will not generate the transformative economic effects that flowed from the earlier technological revolutions. As a result, these observers argue, economic growth and change in coming decades likely will be noticeably slower than the pace to which Americans have become accustomed. 
Such an outcome would have important social and political — as well as economic — consequences for our country and the world.
And now there are books out there on this, books that policy makers (as opposed to politicians) are going to be studying and considering as the world economy lurches and sputters:
In a three-month period at the end of 1879, Thomas Edison tested the first practical electric lightbulb, Karl Benz invented a workable internal-combustion engine, and a British-American inventor named David Edward Hughes transmitted a wireless signal over a few hundred meters. These were just a few of the remarkable breakthroughs that Northwestern University economist Robert J. Gordon tells us led to a “special century” between 1870 and 1970, a period of unprecedented economic growth and improvements in health and standard of living for many Americans. 
Growth since 1970? “Simultaneously dazzling and disappointing.” Think the PC and the Internet are important? Compare them with the dramatic decline in infant mortality, or the effect that indoor plumbing had on living conditions. And the explosion of inventions and resulting economic progress that happened during the special century are unlikely to be seen again, Gordon argues in a new book, The Rise and Fall of American Growth.
The book attempts to directly refute the views of those Gordon calls “techno optimists,” who think we’re in the midst of great digital innovations that will redefine our economy and sharply improve the way we live. 
Nonsense, he says. Just look at the economic data; there is no evidence that such a transformation is occurring.
No, in fact, it's just the opposite. The rising tide isn't lifting all boats, it's actually flooding out most of the country.
For most Americans, wages are just not keeping up. Incomes actually shrank between 1972 and 2013. And it’s not going to get any better, predicts Robert Gordon.
If robust economic progress in the first half of the 20th century helped create a national mood of optimism and faith in progress, have decades of much slower productivity growth helped create an era of malaise and frustration?
One-time techno-utopians like Jaron Lanier and Douglas Rushkoff haved turned into Jeremiahs, sounding a warning about the ravages of the New Economy. But are they just voices in the Wilderness? No one wants to get left behind when the new world dawns, so boat-rocking is not very fashionable. Everyone still believes the Sun will come out for them tomorrow.

But more sober thinkers are surveying the world around them and noticing that progress has slowed, if not stopped. Or in fact begun to move backward, no matter how many useless (and unused) apps you can download to your smartphone.

We keep hearing about the automation revolution but as with so much of our Tomorrow, it seems to be perpetually on the horizon. You're constantly hearing scare stories of Robotomageddon at the same we're hearing warnings of projected labor shortages.

The fact is that while automation is on the increase, it's also risky, expensive (requiring major capital investment) and can be difficult for companies to integrate. The threat of AIs and robots could be real or it could be more hype from a high tech industry desperate to keep the profits churning.

We (apparently) have this science, but nothing seems to actually be changing:

For the past 20 years, as a science writer, I have covered such extraordinary medical advances as gene therapy, cloned replacement organs, stem-cell therapy, life-extension technologies, the promised spin-offs from genomics and tailored medicine. 
None of these new treatments is yet routinely available. 
The paralyzed still cannot walk, the blind still cannot see. The human genome was decoded (one post-Golden Quarter triumph) nearly 15 years ago and we’re still waiting to see the benefits that, at the time, were confidently asserted to be ‘a decade away’. 
We still have no real idea how to treat chronic addiction or dementia...There has been no new Green Revolution. We still drive steel cars powered by burning petroleum spirit or, worse, diesel. There has been no new materials revolution...physics (seems) to have ground to a halt...And nobody has been to the Moon for 42 years.
And so the question is asked: what happened to Tomorrow? Why has the train ground to a stop? And as this author asks, what got the train going in the first place?
Why has progress stopped? Why, for that matter, did it start when it did, in the dying embers of the Second World War? 
Ah, yes. Why indeed. 

I have an idea. But I guarantee no one is going to like it...